Week 1: Heupel Child Power Rankings

No real upsets this week, folks.  The margin between 1st and 2nd in the race for my love is closing, but even in the early weeks of the season, anything can happen.  Let’s say, hypothetically, you had a thirty-four point lead, and you slapped it away like a piece of cheese pizza you just HAD TO HAVE.  You’re going to take a catastrophic fall down the rankings of my parental affection.

  1. Medium. The school tested him and basically informed us he’s doing very well as a 2nd or 3rd grader. In Kindergarten. Basically, they don’t bother with homework, because he gets bored.  His gymnastics skills are really coming around, too.  But he’s got dietary issues.  Namely, his younger brother outweighs him despite being almost 3 years younger.
  2. Large. Bringing home A’s and B’s consistently, and his maturity is really improved from his first year in the system.  He’s actually been considered a bit of a “goody goody” because of his insistence on other kids following the rules on the playground.  His pinewood derby car design is solid, and he’s shown a real commitment to improving his outdoor skills.
  3. Small.  After a shocking development where he finally showed some control and development, he proceeded to crap himself with the sort of disregard for self-respect that would make a Texas A&M fan proud. He’s tried to distract his mother and I from inability to grasp the basic scheme with exceptional performance at naptime, but waking us up at 5:30 am on a Saturday isn’t going to get it done, junior.


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